


So Alright, Cool, Whatever

by rxseinbloom



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Bisexual Spencer Reid, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Chaotic Shenanigans, Drinking, Drinking Games, Emily calls Hotch "bitch" and it gives me serotonin, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Let them say "fuck", M/M, Mostly fluff though, Never Have I Ever, Spencer Reid is a disaster, Team Bonding, i love them, just kidding, just some good 'ol team bonding, please just let Spencer REST, slight angst, theres the tiniest Jemily moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24582955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rxseinbloom/pseuds/rxseinbloom
Summary: For all the fictional possibilities of alternate universes, butterfly effects and parallel selves, no equation could possibly explain how Spencer Reid had ended up here; curled into a corner of Garcia’s couch under a soft blanket, a drink in one hand and a rosy flush high on his cheeks as he moved steadily away from tipsy and directly towards absolutely hammered.Title is "So Alright, Cool, Whatever" by The Happy Fits
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 14
Kudos: 383





	So Alright, Cool, Whatever

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I absolutely adore this team and their dynamic, and I wish we got to see more of their lives outside of the BAU, especially of them being close friends. This is mostly a fun one-shot, but I threw in a little angst because apparently, I can’t go more than a few minutes without seriously injuring my own feelings. Angst aside, please enjoy my favorite team being absolute idiots feat. Never Have I Ever :) (Also, let Morgan call Reid ‘Spence’ 2k20)

For all the fictional possibilities of alternate universes, butterfly effects and parallel selves, no equation could possibly explain how Spencer Reid had ended up here; curled into a corner of Garcia’s couch under a soft blanket, a drink in one hand and a rosy flush high on his cheeks as he moved steadily away from tipsy and directly towards absolutely hammered. 

Theoretically, he should’ve seen this coming. His alcohol tolerance wasn’t exactly on-par with the rest of the team’s, he wasn’t fond of going out, and only drank the occasional glass of wine with a meal. But somehow here he was, warm in his sweatshirt and pajama pants, a pleasant buzz under his skin, and the tiniest blur around the edges of his vision. 

They had been on a case for the better part of two weeks, a grueling string of missing persons and far too many sleepless nights. The case had ended better than most, but Reid was pretty sure his bloodstream was still 40% caffeine, (as well as 15% alcohol and slowly rising), and he hadn’t slept more than a few hours total. It had taken the team several hours of pleading to convince him to take a break with them, to rest for a while instead of immediately reviewing the case files as he was apt to do. He wasn’t even sure “convince” was the right word, frankly he’d been forced to put the case out of his mind when the folder was removed from his hands and set out of his reach on the jet. 

“Those reports will still be here tomorrow,” Morgan had teased, tapping the back of Reid’s head lightly with the stack of papers, “like it or not, you’re coming with us Pretty Boy.” 

Pretty Boy. Don’t even get him started on the way that nickname made his head spin, or how he’d covered up a rising blush with a roll of his eyes more times than he could count.

Yep, it had definitely been his sleep deprivation that caused him to agree, absolutely not challenging brown eyes and a playful grin. At least that’s what he told himself, anyway. He’d taken a tequila shot because he wanted to feel the burn down the back of his throat, not because the hand on the small of his back was already threatening to set him aflame.

Regardless of how he had gotten himself into this situation, he was here now, and a pitcher of sangria was being passed around. He refilled his cup just as Garcia stage-whispered, “We should play Never Have I Ever!” 

It was immediately met with a chorus of giggles from the girls, and resigned sighs from Morgan and Hotch. Rossi had turned in early, and in that moment, Reid had never been more thankful for his superior’s absence. He knew for damn sure he wasn’t getting out of this easily, so he shook his head slightly, downed a few extra sips of sangria, and sighed “Sure, why not?” 

Emily raised her glass, “I’ll start. Never have I ever gotten a speeding ticket.” Morgan, JJ and Hotch drank, the latter holding only a glass of water, and Reid raised an eyebrow in Hotch’s direction, chuckling. “Really?”

“I was running late for a movie, okay?” Hotch said, voice rising in pitch slightly. “It wasn’t a big deal!”

“Wait. Wait I remember that!” Garcia exclaimed, “You got a ticket for going like 60 in a 30, didn’t you? You were going to see —” 

“Anyway...!” Hotch had sunk back into his chair, face burning. “Never have I ever used my badge to impress someone.” All eyes turned to Morgan. 

“Okay, not going to read too far into the fact that everyone looked at me... does it count if it wasn’t my FBI badge?” Morgan asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yes, police badge counts too.” Spencer said quietly, smirking. “Fuck.” Morgan muttered, taking a deep drink and rolling his eyes. “Will you guys at least give Pen the same shit you’re giving me?”

Reid laughed quietly, she’d definitely also taken a drink. “Nah, I love her too much,” he said, glancing in Garcia’s direction. 

“Love you too, genius,” she said, shooting him a finger gun with her free hand. Spencer grinned and reached forward for his glass of water, resting on the coffee table. As he did so, he heard Morgan huff beside him. “Alright, cool, whatever. If we’re targeting each other; never have I ever drank an entire pot of coffee by myself,” he turned towards Reid and stuck his tongue out slightly. 

The younger man rolled his eyes. So much for getting through the game unscathed. “Fine.” He took a deep pull of his sangria, savoring the blend for a second. Garcia has used a deep red Cabernet, a Sauvignon, if he remembered correctly. One of the most popular types of red grape, grown everywhere from Napa Valley to Bordeaux. A sweet blend with a slight bite of spice — “Spence.” JJ said, an amused grin on her face, “We all know what Cabernet Sauvignon is, we’re grown-ups.” 

“What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, sorry.” He said, bringing his attention back to the group: he hadn’t even noticed he was speaking aloud. Had Garcia put more than wine in the sangria? 

“Okay, my turn,” JJ said, laughing a little. “Never have I ever kissed a girl.” Spencer drank, as did everyone else. 

“Oh, JJ,” Emily said smoothly, “you’re definitely missing out.” She grinned, looking around the room. “Am I wrong?” 

A general rumble of agreement came from the circle, and Spencer couldn’t help but grin as JJ shifted slightly in her seat, a thought clearly on its way to being voiced. Emily beat her to it, turning to face the blonde with her tongue between her teeth. “I could just show you; you know.” 

Penelope and Morgan laughed at the same time, and Hotch looked slightly uncomfortable. JJ, however, just tilted her head to the side, considering. “I mean, I guess so…” she trailed off, and Reid was struck suddenly by the realization of what was about to happen. He looked away, just as he heard Emily whisper, “This is okay, right?” He felt a small pang of…he wasn’t quite sure…guilt? sadness? jealousy?... he couldn’t quite place it and was a little too intoxicated to worry about it. 

He saw Emily lean in out of the corner of his eye. That had always been a strange phrase to him, “the corner of [your] eye.” Eyes didn’t have corners, just vertices where the ellipse of the eye socket ended. There was a long pause, and Hotch cleared his throat as the two girls parted. Emily looked unaffected, while JJ looked absolutely flustered. Spencer caught her eye and raised his brow, and she shook her head slightly. They’d definitely be talking about that later. 

JJ cleared her throat and looked around sheepishly, “Considering my last turn is now void, and I’m definitely not letting Emily “show me” again: ‘Never have I ever had sex with a woman.’” She shrugged, and Reid could tell she was glad to have the attention directed away from her. 

Well, fuck. Drunk or not, he was still a bit self-conscious, but he didn’t quite care enough to lie. Spencer tried to drink quickly, a small sip at the same time as everyone else, but he could feel the team’s eyes on him immediately. He drew his knees closer to his chest as Emily spoke. “Oh? The boy wonder isn’t quite the blushing virgin everyone’s made him out to be, huh?” 

Well, now he was definitely blushing. “You know that virginity is completely a social construct, right? The concept was used as a way to commodify women, to make them feel ashamed of their sexuality. There’s no scientific change after you “lose” your virginity. Some of the first mainstream mentions of virginity can be traced back to the early 14th century when Byzantine theologians —” he cut himself off when he noticed JJ shaking her head, lips quirking into a smile.

“Spence, we’re not making fun of you. Maybe we’re a little bit surprised, but you’re fine. I appreciate the knowledge that you think virginity is bullshit though.” She said, laughing. 

“Alright, cool, whatever, is that really what you guys think of me?” He asked, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. “That I’m some “blushing virgin” or whatever the hell Em just said? I’m not.” 

“We believe you, Reid, no worries.” Hotch said, waving a comforting had in his direction. It was strange, having Hotch comfort him through something as personal as this. Spencer needed another drink, and he said as much, standing and grabbing his empty shot glass. One tequila shot later, (he could almost get it down without coughing), he collapsed back into his seat, jostling Morgan’s shoulder as he did so. After a second of hesitation, he decided to just stay there, leaning his weight against the other agent’s arm.

“My turn, I guess.” said Hotch, raising an eyebrow. “To follow JJ, never have I ever had sex with a man?” 

That last shot had hit him hard, and he took a drink of his sangria without a second thought. He felt Morgan choke on his own drink a little and felt a teasing elbow to the ribs. Hang on, Morgan drank for that? “One surprise not enough for you tonight Reid? Did some experimenting in college?”

“I, uh, I’m bisexual?” Spencer said quietly, eyes downcast. In that moment, he was thankful for the alcohol coursing through his veins. He was still nervous, but this would save him the absolute terror of having this conversation sober another time. He glanced up, and found the whole team looking at him. He swallowed, “That’s...okay, right?” 

“Okay?” Garcia smiled softly, “You saw literally every single one of us drink for one of the last two rounds, right?” She reached forward and placed a comforting hand on his knee. “We love you, genius, regardless of who you decide to love.”

Spencer cleared his throat, suddenly aware of the heaviness in his limbs. “Th-that means a lot, thank you.” The attention was stifling, and he felt a sudden urgency to have it no longer be on him. He turned to face Morgan, raising an eyebrow, “Hey, wait a second, didn’t you drink too?”

“Oh, hold on now, don’t try and shake off the attention.” Morgan said with a bemused grin. After a second, he relented, “You guys though I was only getting lucky with the ladies? Please, I’ve definitely seen my fair share of men too; you’re not the only bi one here, Pretty Boy.” He winked, and Spencer swore he almost passed out. Get it together, he reprimanded himself in his head. He needed to change the subject before his brain went absolutely off the rails again. 

Reid cleared his throat and curled up in the corner of the couch again, “Pen, it’s your turn.” He gestured vaguely in her direction with his cup, noticing his movements were slightly delayed. 

Furrowing her brow, Garcia thought for a moment before pursing her lips and saying, “Never have I ever gone home with a stranger.” 

“Okay, that’s definitely a fucking lie,” Emily said, shoving Garcia playfully. “I know for a damn fact you’ve been on multiple Tinder dates and definitely gone home with a share of them.” 

“At what point is someone no longer classified as a ‘stranger?’” Reid asked, biting his lip. He tried not to betray his emotions with his voice, curling impossibly further into himself as he took a drink. At the edge of his hazy thoughts, he felt a pinprick in his right arm, smelled sweat and blood, remembered far too many early mornings of waking up in unfamiliar beds with his heart pounding and TV static filling his ears. 

Thankfully, the group focused on answering his question, bickering back and forth about whether or not a single date counted as ‘no longer strangers.’ Spencer safely retreated into his own thoughts, his breath quickening ever so slightly, unnoticed, or so he thought. The weight beside him shifted, and suddenly Morgan was leaning towards him, a concerned look on his face. 

Morgan didn’t even need to ask if Reid was alright, one look into his wide eyes was enough. “Hey, Spence, you’re okay.” he whispered, a reassuring hand placed on Spencer’s forearm where it rested on the couch. Spencer shook his head abruptly, embarrassed. “Sorry.” 

“Anything I can do?” Morgan shifted to drape the blanket on his lap over Spencer’s folded legs, frowning. Reid shrugged, a soft apologetic smile on his face. “I’m okay, really.” He was shaken out of the moment by JJ, getting his attention in a way only intoxicated adults and children could, screaming very loudly. 

“Spencerrrrrr, it’s your turn!” She giggled, leaning heavily on Emily. At some point they had both made their way to sitting on the floor, and it looked like Garcia wasn’t too far behind. 

He winced at her volume, “Never have I ever been late to work because of a one-night stand.” Everyone drank, and Spencer found himself laughing at the look of utter disappointment on Hotch’s face.

“Seriously? All of you?” Hotch sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and looking every bit like an exasperated parent. 

“You drank too, bitch.” Emily slurred, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “You’re not allowed to judge –” she was interrupted by a yawn, stretching her arms above her head. “Damn, what time is it?” 

Spencer glanced at the clock in the kitchen, “Almost three. Textbook-perfect time for a dip in your circadian rhythm. We -- we’ve spent so long with the lights on while we work that your, uh…sup--…suprachiasmatic nuclei got confused about night and daytime.”

“I think that’s the slowest I’ve ever heard you speak literally ever since I met you.” Morgan said, chuckling. “Which might be a sign we should turn in for the night. It’s still okay if we all crash here, right babygirl?” He asked, turning to Garcia. 

“Yep, just sleep wherever you want, me and the girls will be in my room.” Penelope pulled herself up from the floor, working with JJ to get Emily up and into the analyst’s bedroom. 

The boys waved goodbye to Hotch, watching as he drove away and turning off the porch light when his car was out of sight. “He was going to see Love, Actually,” Spencer mumbled, giggling. 

“What’d you say?” Morgan asked, rummaging through his stuff. “When he got a speeding ticket. He was going to see a chick flick…” Reid grinned, remembering Hotch’s flustered expression when he’d found the tickets (movie and speeding) in a pile of books at the other man’s apartment. “It’s actually a pretty good movie.” 

“Okay, when you start talking about romance movies that definitely means it’s time for bed.” Morgan declared, “C’mon, our go-bags are still over there by the door.”  
Coming in off a case, Spencer had his bag of toiletries with him, and stumbled slightly on his way to the bathroom. Standing at the sink next to Morgan, he brushed his teeth with surprising ease, given his level of intoxication; he only lost his balance once, and it was because Morgan had hip-checked him. After a significant amount of teasing from Morgan and even more toothpaste-muffled cursing from Spencer, he settled back onto the couch, a pillow under his head and a smile on his face. 

“G’night, Morgan,” he said softly, eyelids already drooping. “’Night, Pretty Boy,” he heard whispered from across the room, where Morgan was putting blankets over the thin air mattress he’d inflated earlier in the evening, “Sleep tight.” 

He pulled the blanket up under his chin, eyes closing within seconds as the exhaustion from the past case and the alcohol in his system lulled him to sleep. As he drifted off, he could’ve sworn he felt a soft kiss pressed to his forehead as a glass of water was placed next to him on the coffee table. Alright, cool, whatever -- he’d have plenty of time to freak out about that in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading my first Criminal Minds fic, I hope you enjoyed! You can find me on tumblr as @rxseinbloom and @rxseinbloom-writing


End file.
